The Illusion of Rejection:
Why Your Fears are Bogus and How to Get Over It
I may not be very popular for the following statement, but that isn’t my goal anyway, my goal is to improve lives.
I don’t believe your fear of rejection holds much validity.
I get questions about how to deal with rejection more than I should. And it’s not the questions I don’t like; it’s the fact that adults are asking them and struggling with the notion as if rejection is personal.
Please don’t take offense. It’s not just a few people; it’s an epidemic. That’s why I’m addressing it.
I know that most people who aren’t where they want to be in life have one struggle or another with rejection. If that’s you, listen up!
If you labor under the fear of rejection, then you’re never going to take the action needed to move the needle in your business. You need to redefine the way you look at being turned down and see it for what it is: a number’s game.
~WHAT REJECTION ISN’T~
Let’s flesh this out so we can better understand your relationship with rejection.
If you fear rejection because you’re worried about what others think of you:
Rejection isn’t a personal attack. It doesn’t mean you’re unworthy of the offer you’ve given. It doesn’t mean you’re less professional, less educated, less determined.
The type of rejection that actually hurts you by damaging your identity happens very rarely. If you believe that every rebuff you receive is this type of life-altering refusal, then you’re placing an internal fear on an external result over which you have no control.
Let me prove it to you.
Have you been rejected in your life in a way that hurt so profoundly that it altered your perception of the world around you and your identity in it? The answer is likely yes.
With an honest self-awareness, can you say it’s happened to you more than once? More than twice? How about 5 times or ten? Perhaps. How about more than that? Not likely.
The average number of this intensely impactful rejection, according to a test of thousands of people over several years at Brendon Burchard’s High-Performance Academy, is between 5 and 7. (There are, of course, people who have deep hurts that happen more often, but the average is 5-7 times.)
How many days have you lived? If you’re 35, you’ve been on this earth for 12,775 days. How many times have you made offers of one kind or another? Easily in the thousands.
And if you’re SCARED of rejection because you fear the pain involved, then what you’re saying is you’re scared of something that hardly ever happens. Look at the math: 5-7 times of deep hurt in over twelve thousand days!
Think about the last ten people you interacted with where one or both of you needed something (business relationships, colleagues, volunteer opportunities, etc.). How did those interactions go?
The answer, with near certainty, is that most of them went fine. Am I right? These are interactions where the other person didn’t cause much fuss, it went well, the person was supportive and didn’t criticize you, or you received the outcome you desired if not more.
And I bet you’ve interacted with at least a hundred people in your lifetime where the interactions went well. Right?
I could take that number up to the thousands, and it would be true for almost every single person reading this blog.
So, what I’m saying is that your fear of being deeply hurt by rejection every time something doesn’t go according to plan is rare, and even when things don’t work out, because they often don’t, the interactions aren’t an actualization of your fears anyway!
Aren’t you relieved? You should be.
If you fear rejection because it means putting in work that doesn’t come to fruition:
You’re going to do the work anyway if you want to succeed because there is no way to success except through work. By forfeiting the work because you fear it won’t lead anywhere, you’re bypassing opportunities.
Yes, you WILL get rejected when you put any offers on the table–whether they’re offers for houses, offers for partnerships, offers for work, offers for dates, whatever.
Again, it’s a numbers game. You’re going to have to put in the work. Sometimes it will lead to a mutually-agreed-upon deal, and other times, it won’t.
But you miss 100% of the shots you don’t take. 100% of them. So, not trying because you don’t think it’ll go anywhere is making your fear come true that it won’t. You are pounding nails in your proverbial coffin here. Please tell me how that makes sense to anyone!
When you flip this idea on its head and aim for failure, you WILL succeed. It’s the weirdest thing, but it’s true. When you have a list of 100 leads, pick up the phone with the intention of getting 100 rejections. And guess what, you’ll
Because it’s a numbers game! Eventually, you’ll get better at your pitch and reach a person who’s desperate to work with someone just like you. Trying to get the 100 “Nos” just gets you on the phone long enough to get that “Yes.”
(Now, will you have better luck if you go into the 100 leads convinced that you’ll get 10 “Yeses?” Probably! Your mind is extremely powerful, and your results will match what you believe will happen more times than not.)
So… if your fear of rejection doesn’t hold water and it IS inevitable, then how should we view it?
~WHAT IS REJECTION?~
Rejection is simply an answer of “No” or “Not right now.”
Every offer or request you make comes with the chance that “No” or “Not Right Now” will be the answer. And if you never pose a question because you’re afraid of the answer, you will never pose the questions.
Let’s bring this back to the practical application of your business. You will have offers rejected. If you don’t, you put in an offer on a property, and it’s immediately accepted, chances are, you offered too much, and that high offer will cut into your profit.
You need to get comfortable with rejection.
Make it your friend.
Make it your GOAL.
Because if rejection remains your enemy, you won’t get far in business or in life.
Don’t base your life and your decision on a fear of something that a) doesn’t happen to the severity you fear it will and b) is going to happen anyway in business. You need to gain the self-awareness and the maturity that guarantees you will be okay if and when rejection occurs.
You have more power and strength than you realize, so stop giving your FEAR more credit than it deserves.
You get what you focus on. If you focus on your fears, they will only grow. If you focus on your abilities and adequacies, you will consistently thrive. Have a higher ambition for yourself and don’t limit your impact because you fear the harsh criticism you think will accompany rejection.
You’re going to be rejected anyway, and it isn’t going to break you when it happens.
So, make the offer.
Make the request.
Ask the question.
Propose the relationship.
Put your neck out there.
We’ll continue to do the same for you because we believe your success is worth fighting for.
If you’re done fearing rejection and want to get on the path to success, gives us a call (800) 473-6051. It’s only up from here. We’ll assess where the holes are in your business and find the relief you need to take your success to the next level. How would that feel?
To Your Success;
Lee A. Arnold
The Lee Arnold System of Real Estate Investing
Have a deal under contract that you would like a quote on? Let us know. You can fill out a quick questionnaire at CogoCapital.com to receive a rate quote via email or you can call us anytime at (800) 747-1104 to talk to a loan officer. With millions deployed and millions to deploy, we want you to get the capital you need for your real estate investing.